cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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