the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
