Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
