Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I touched a dick in church today
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
