You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
