So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
