Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
