he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
