why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
