seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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