id be glad to
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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