I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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