how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
