giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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