Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
