Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
