The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
