I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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