She said her name was "party"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
