I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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