it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
