remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
