Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
