I heard we made out
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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