someone threw a dead crab at me
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
