We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
