I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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