I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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