i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
