I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize