just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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