I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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