I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
