We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
