I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
