I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
