his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
