she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Randomize
