Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
