I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
