K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
