I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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