Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize