he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
