I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Can I color on your dick again?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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