he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
