You're so nebulous sometimes
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
