my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You took a bar mat shot.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Randomize
