She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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