sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
