Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
