i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
