I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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