Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
