____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
