if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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