Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
