Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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