i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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