I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
