im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
