I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
