Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
