You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
