You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
