3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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