Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So many bounce houses so little time
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
