nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
