3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
