I think my vagina is haunted
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
