I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
