Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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