that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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