You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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