Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Btw I puked in your glovebox
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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