New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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