I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
