I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
