apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
