Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
