She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
