The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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