i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
