All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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