when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
