The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
