We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
