Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
